I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
