Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
