Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
