I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize