She announced her abortion via fbk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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