why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
