Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
