Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
