I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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