This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You really coming over, don't trick.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
