Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
