My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
