id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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