Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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