I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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