You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
