Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The ass gains better be worth it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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