Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
