She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You took a bar mat shot.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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