the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
