ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
