Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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