So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
