Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
