dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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