I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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