How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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