mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't turn off my feet"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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