She's JV to your varsity
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am available for nakedness
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize