Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
