I think I am morally bankrupt
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
