I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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