I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
