My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
