I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
