I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
