Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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