The best revenge is premature balding
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
