That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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