Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
