So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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