i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
