You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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