you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
