Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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