Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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