best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
