you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I deserve this hangover.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
