I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
