she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
