I just pynch a tree in the face
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
