I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
