There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
