Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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