Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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