There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
