Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
