Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
