your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
