Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
