I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
