hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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