Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
