If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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