grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
one might say we're banned from that church
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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