the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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