I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
