Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
