you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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