DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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