smell my finger.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
