Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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