rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
