I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
